I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Soap is not a condiment
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Everclear isn't food dammit
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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