if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
