When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
