Already got asked if we're dating
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
