I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
