She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
