he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
