she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
