I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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