Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
