ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
