omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
