I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
