So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
