im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
