the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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