He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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