Please, let me fuck your mom
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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