my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
