I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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