my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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