Where is the hickey?
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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