i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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