i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
