i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
