yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
