Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
