ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
