I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
