wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
