my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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