I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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