and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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