Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
