I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
