don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
