I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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