If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize