well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
