May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
