There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
