Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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