If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
