shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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