He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
