I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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