I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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