no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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