I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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