I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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