She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
