Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
