If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
