My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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