booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
