i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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