I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
