you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
