the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
