At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
