i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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