Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
