First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
