I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
