i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
